You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
