Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
