dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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