Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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