And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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