Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
