So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
