I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
