So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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