She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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