After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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