apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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