I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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