Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you didnt know i had herpes?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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