living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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