I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
