I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
