...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
