i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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