People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
