I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
