You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
