i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
