His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
