I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
this will be a night to untag.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
