You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
