Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
