i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
