Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
