I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
