i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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