Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
