I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
