please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
