Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
is that a dick in a sweater?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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