She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
