he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
