We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
