when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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