he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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