I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
