A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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