Tell her she can't have a vagina
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
