i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
