You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
