She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i love accidental penises.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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