is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
