Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
