And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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