Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
