i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
