How'd it feel making her break her religion?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
