Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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