His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
