no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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